reflections on homeschooling...

How shifting our focus from control to connection can transform the way our children learn at home

This week’s newsletter sees me in a pensive mood, which often happens when I’m in between projects. I’ve just finished editing my first children’s chapter book, another story in the Adventure Club series, and launched it online through Always Learning Books. I’m not quite ready to jump into writing the next story, which I’ve already outlined. There is this lull in my energy, a feeling of uncertainty and insecurity, of not knowing what to do next (even though I have a very long list of things that I can do, and an even longer one of things that I should do!)

This is a familiar feeling and happens every time I complete a project.

I don’t think it helps that we are supposed to camping, wandering our way around the spectacular Flinders Ranges for a couple of weeks. Our plans were interrupted: our choice, but that doesn’t matter. Neither of us cope as well as we used to with changes in plans. We love having the freedom to be spontaneous: it’s just that our bodies and brains seem to need more time now to adjust!

So while my brain tries to settle I find myself reflecting on home education, and I found this article while ‘tidying up’ some files on my website, one written at the end of our home educating adventure. I hope you enjoy reading it and find some encouragement from it.

As my eldest quickly approaches adulthood I am finding I am reflecting more on the process of home education as it has meant for us as a family, and on our unusual journey of parenting. Finding 'myself' has been an important part of this journey, and has been the gift my children have unconsciously and unselfishly given to me.

So many years of family life have focused around home education. I've worked my way through several bouts of 'burn-out'; stress filled periods lacking in direction and confidence. In retrospect it is easy to see that home education had little to do with the burn-out, although at the time was seen to be a contributing factor. Health problems, building two homes, lack of financial security and difficulty in finding friendly support for our radical lifestyle choices all took their toll. However, throughout some very harrowing periods my children were always there, and provided constant support. They witnessed and experienced first hand the empowering journey I made from chronic depression to mental health. Home education was like a solid foundation, something to build a positive life around.

My enthusiasm for home education has been part of my own journey in recapturing my lost childhood years, trying to make the world right for me - to give my children what I wanted and needed back then. From the beginning I wanted my children to learn and accept self-responsibility, a concept denied me, both by my parents, teachers, society and myself. It has been difficult, because children learn from example first, and becoming responsible ('growing up' is my favoured term) has been a long and difficult process for me.

I watch others struggle with their personal journeys, especially with their need to home educate, and wonder what role it plays in their own development. Some need to fight the system, and focus their energies on the 'enemy' - the education authorities. For me this represents a reflection, perhaps, of the rebellious inner child in all of us. Other people, unable to fight an impossible battle to change the world, need to withdraw and do things their own way, quietly hidden from critical eyes. This may be another facet of rebellion, only less assertive perhaps.

But most are also like me, yearning for a lost childhood, another way of parenting, a better model of nurturing. An evolution of self from the centre, nestled first in the security of family. A second chance, a time to get it right. The rebellion is contained within, and is focused on the right of the child to exist, to develop as naturally as possible. My children become different facets of my own inner child as she seeks to find her rightful place in my life.

Over the years I have blended structure and non-structure in learning programs as I have felt and seen the need to interfere in my children's development. After twelve years I firmly believe interference is the right word to use, not education. Given a loving, supportive environment children learn all they need to without their parents setting educational agendas and activities. My interference has always reflected the trust I have felt in their ability to develop, and has been heavily judgmental based on my own social contexts and background. Marion Pears once wrote that parents should undergo therapy before parenting - I suggest parenting is therapy, perhaps the best kind! With open hearts and open minds we learn much from our children, about ourselves.

Home education gives us the opportunity to 'grow up' again, to learn about true responsibility, about the world and our place in it. Without my children's free will, without offering them true choice, I thrust home education, a radical social experiment, upon them at a young age. This was not for their benefit but to fulfill a need of my own. This need was not recognised until the experiment was well under way, years later. I know I wouldn't change a thing, and I know they are happy with my decision after twelve years of home education mixed with a little school experience. I have immersed my life in their development and education so that I may grow.

Because I have always recognised this process as one of my own growth, instead of my children becoming 'my life', as people around have feared and suggested, I am more able to let my children grow up in their own way, to trust in their own development and abilities, as I find faith in my own. I know that they will always be teaching me new ways of perceiving my own view of reality.

At this stage in my life I feel finally ready to seriously indulge in a longed-for career, a career I knew I was destined for as a child, but lost the drive for somewhere in my teens. The choice to do this has been a difficult one, fraught it with misgivings and lack of confidence. The fear of failure has held me back long enough. The voices of misguided 'elders' echoing down through my life are being phased out by my inner hearing - it is time to set aside all the excuses and take the plunge. By fully acknowledging my skills and talents, and giving them room to be exercised more fully in my life, I know I am demonstrating the importance of 'life work' to my children.

As they grow and become adults I feel a tremendous responsibility to find my path beyond parenting. In essence though, this is simply yet another stage of the parenting journey! Choosing to home educate my children has given me far more than I could ever have envisaged at the beginning!

Last Sunday was Fathers Day here in Australia. Robin and I were able to spend the day with our sons and their families. We played Jenga, Pennies (a card game that usually has four rounds), and Roads, Rivers and Rails (a great game from Ravensburger that is trickier than it first appears). In the middle of all of that we went out to lunch at our local hotel followed by a pleasant walk at the beach. I love hanging out with my adult children and their families.

Fathers Day also prompted me to share this piece I wrote not longer after our youngest had ‘graduated’ homeschooling.

A Dad Looks Back on Homeschooling his Kids

in 2007 I ‘interviewed’ my husband about his thoughts on 18 years of homeschooling life

Every week sees me delving more into the nature of neurodivergence. It’s not something I consciously thought or wrote about when my homeschooling my kids, but it’s obvious that I was exploring it deeply as an educating parent. And also as someone recovering from the trauma of trying to fit my square peg nature into too many round holes as a kid!

Earlier this week, before we went camping, I woke up, a bad dream lingering in my thoughts for most of the day. That, and coming across a meme by crazyheadcomics got me thinking about why it’s so important to tune into our emotions and bodies and what’s going on in subconscious.

Don't change up, tune in instead

Use this 'check-in list' before you change homeschooling direction, methods or resources

I miss exploring and camping with the kids. We didn’t do it often enough back when our kids were young, mostly because our passion was building our own home and creating an oasis in which to live. Plus, money was usually fairly tight. We had some awesome holidays.

If I had my way I’d coax the kids to come with me on our camping trips now, with their kids, visiting interesting places as often as we can. But they have busy lives of their own, so Robin and I trek off on our own. I’ll end this newsletter with some happy snaps of our few days away last week.

I’m dropping Notes most days and would love to connect with you that way — you can add a comment or heart. Don’t forget we can keep the conversation going on any of my posts by adding a comment there too.

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Whatever your approach, your lifestyle or education philosophy, I’m here to support you. Take what you need, leave the rest. I want you to lean on my experience because I’ve leant on others — we are in this together, growing and learning from each other!

That’s all for now! Until next time, Beverley