Deschooling as Decluttering the Way We Think about Education
Gentle homeschooling tips for clearing away pressure and making space for connection
As a homeschooling parent I was guided by the principle “keep it simple”. Back then deschooling was seldom mentioned, and usually only as a reference to Ivan Illich’s book. Simplifying life in whatever ways possible was the buzzword back then. And to be honest, I think it’s just as relevant now as it was then.
For me, it meant how can we achieve this goal in the simplest way possible, with the clutter that so often accompanies our very much institutionalised, “follow the instructions” lives…
I’m not surprised that people are confused about deschooling, both as a concept and an action. And how they can start implementing it into their daily lives.
One way is to think of it as decluttering.
But not our cupboards, rooms or houses — our minds. Our attitudes, beliefs and daily habits that unnecessarily add complexity and busyness.
Deschooling as declutter is like throwing open the curtains and windows, letting in the light and fresh air add a different perspective from which we can examine the habitual and trained thoughts we’ve been harbouring in the corners and cupboards of our mind, and letting go of the ones that no longer serve us, or want or need.
We start homeschooling with our heads full of what education should look like.
As with decluttering our homes, deschooling can also feel satisfying and invigorating, however there’s a good chance — and this happened many times with me — that the initial flush of excitement and relief doesn’t last.
I’d find the clutter of old thought patterns and habits slowly creeping back, and found myself falling prey to yet again filling our home with educational materials and methods: things that we think, or have been told, will or should help our children learn.
Don’t think that deschooling is something you do once: unscrambling and letting go of conditioned ways of thinking needs constant diligence.
Over the years I’ve given it a lot of thought: how can I help you stay the course, and keep a decluttering, deschooling mindset in place? What worked for me? And what have others said worked for them… I’ve distilled all that into these six tips, along with some practical suggestions, to help you get there.
I’m sure there are plenty more, and I’d love to hear what worked or works for you — drop me a note in the comments below.
1: Have a homeschool plan that aligns with your values
Without understanding it’s importance, this is what I did at the very beginning of our homeschooling adventure.
Write down why you are homeschooling. And then condense that down to a simple sentence that sums up your homeschool ethos. Print it out and tack it to your wall where you can see it. Refer to it frequently! Especially as you’re about to hit “add to cart” on that educational purchase!
It will help to remind yourself of your values, reasons for homeschooling, and your overall goals and ultimate destination.
Regarding resources, subscriptions and activities, ask yourself: Will we use this regularly? Will it add value, do the job, or just take up space?
Be brutally realistic and honest. Toss away any idealist or romantic notions about who you think you should be, and what your homeschool should look like.
Pause before you commit yourself to any course of action, and think: does this align our values?
Not only will this new habit protect you from slowly adding to the clutter of unnecessary and unused resources on your homeschool shelves, it will help to steer your mind in the direction you want to go.
2: Focus on experiences
Think like a wilderness explorer: take only photographs, leave only footprints.
Step outside the homeschool ‘classroom’ you once pictured your home would be and be adventurous!
Take your journal and some pencils and venture forth! What will you discover today? What experiences can you and your young learner enjoy along the way?
Think of homeschooling not as curriculum boxes to tick, content to absorb and reiterate, but as a series of opportunities to build experiences, character, service, and relationships.
See the whole of your lifestyle as your homeschool curriculum. Involve your kids in everyday tasks like meal planning, budgeting, or gardening, thinking of these essential life skills as primary learning.
3: Establish rhythms based on your life
Establish your own rhythms of mental maintenance: your mind won't stay free of school-induced pressure without a little regular care. Deschooling isn't a one-time detox; it is a gentle, ongoing practice.
You can build simple habits that work for you: a quick weekly reset to let go of artificial deadlines, a seasonal check-in to adjust your family's daily flow, and a yearly pause to celebrate how much you have grown. Different areas of your life need different timelines—but taking these small steps keeps the overwhelm away.
If it helps, ditch the alarm: Wake up naturally to honour your body’s rhythm. Schedule activities to work with your and your children’s energy flows rather than an arbitrary time table or school bell.
Drop the attendance check: Who says learning only happens Monday to Friday, 9am to 3pm? Homeschool whenever — on the weekend, or at night, if that suits your family of learners. Start the day when everyone is ready, not at a rigid start time.
Stop counting hours: Focus on the quality of engagement instead of checking off a specific number of school hours working on each subject.
Log real-world learning: Spend a few minutes jotting down what your kids did today, such as helping with meal preparation and shopping, chatting to a friend online, playing a board game, walking the dog.
Monday morning family meeting: Set aside some time to sit and chat with your kids about what you all want to do or achieve this week and how you can work together to make that happen. Ask your kids what is and isn’t working for them in their homeschooling lives. Be prepared to let go of, or change up, activities that aren’t effective or helpful.
Weekly summary: Add a paragraph in your homeschool diary about how you felt the week went. Review your week to ensure you are aiming to meet your child’s educational and developmental needs, not some ‘curriculum norm’.
Change the scenery: Spend some time each week learning outside, away from desks and walls.
Follow a hyper-fixation: Set aside the lessons and curriculum for a while to follow ‘rabbit trails’, to dive deeply into a topic your child is suddenly shows interest in, or is sparked by current or local events.
Say “yes” to play: Allow deep, imaginative play to continue uninterrupted, even if it disrupts a planned lesson.
4: Release the need to keep up
It’s really easy — and natural — to get caught up in comparison and worry about standard grade levels, test scores, or matching what the school down the street is doing.
But when you choose to deschool, you stop measuring your child’s worth by institutional benchmarks. Trying to force your days into someone else’s rigid mould only leads to stress and burnout.
True homeschooling success is simply watching your family learn and grow together, aligned with your own values and your child’s unique pace.
Try some of these helpful ideas:
Define your own “win”: Write down your family’s core values (e.g., curiosity, rest, close relationships) and ignore any school metric that does not serve them.
Stop thinking in grades: Think of your child by their actual age and interests, not as a “third grader” who is supposedly behind or ahead in a textbook.
Normalize uneven progress: Accept that kids learn in leaps and bounds; a child might pause on reading for months while their math or emotional skills skyrocket.
Keep a “Ta-Da” list: Instead of a traditional to-do list, write down everything your family actually accomplished, discovered, or enjoyed at the end of the day.
Take a social media fast: Unfollow, snooze, or mute accounts, curriculum groups, or influencers as soon as they trigger any feelings of inadequacy or comparison.
Log the “invisible” learning: Write down the non-academic wins at the end of the day, like a great conversation, a new LEGO creation, or a problem your child solved while playing.
Ditch the public school calendar: Learn through the summer if you want to, or take a random three-week break at any time of the year without feeling guilty.
Prepare a polite script: Create a simple, polite go-to phrase for nosy relatives, such as: “We’re happy with our homeschooling curriculum, it’s working beautifully for us, thanks for asking.”
Find an unschooling/homeschooling community: Seek out local or online parent groups who prioritize freedom and play over test scores and rigid curriculum check-boxes.
Focus on the child in front of you: Look at your child’s actual stress levels and happiness rather than comparing them to a generalized, artificial chart of milestones.
5: Connection over curriculum
When you choose to deschool, you quickly realise there is a much better way to guide your children. You get to inspire them with your curiosity, patience, and connection rather than rigid curriculum checklists, gold stars and awards, or grade levels.
Over time, others will start to recognise and admire your family's culture and celebrate your successes with you.
To get you started I’ve included a list of some of the things we focused on that worked for our family:
Learning alongside them: Pick up a completely new hobby yourself — portrait painting, carpentry, or learning another language — so your kids see you model curiosity, struggle, and persistence.
Prioritizing morning connection: Start your days with a cosy ritual: cuddling and chatting in bed, reading aloud over breakfast, play a rapid-fire game of "Would You Rather?" or do a word puzzle together, before jumping straight into homeschool activities.
Apologizing when we snap: Show your kids how to handle stress by offering a genuine apology when you lose your patience, modelling emotional maturity over perfection.
Praising character, not grades: Notice and call out when your child shows kindness, helpfulness, or deep focus, rather than praising a completed project, worksheet or a correct answer.
Valuing process over product: Keep your focus on how and what your child is learning and their engagement, rather than the mess created or left behind by a big science experiment or art project.
Hide the checklists: If you use them, keep your homeschool planner or tracking system out of sight so your children don’t feel like they are just a series of boxes for you to tick off.
Ditch the gold stars: Stop using external rewards like stickers or screen time as bribes for learning, allowing your child’s natural curiosity to drive them instead. Express explicit gratitude for life-skill victories, like your child mastering a new recipe, resolving a conflict with a sibling, or fixing a broken toy.
Reflect on growth, not gaps: When you feel behind, look back at a piece of writing or a project from one year ago to appreciate how far your child has naturally come.
Focus on the vibe: Gauge the success of your day by the overall level of harmony and laughter in your home, rather than how many subjects and workbook pages your children covered.
6: Practice gratitude daily
Perhaps the most overlooked deschooling habit of all is gratitude. When we choose this path, we focus less on academic benchmarks and more on the incredible learning that is already happening naturally.
I found that daily practice of gratitude helped to quiet the inner critic that constantly badgered me about needing more or better curriculum, worksheets, and validation. Gratitude — together with the scratchings in our homeschooling diary — anchored me in the truth that our family was already doing enough.
And when we live from a place of “enough”, school-induced anxiety loses its foothold.
The work of deschooling — letting go of our conditioned traditional school mindset — is an ongoing process. And practicing these small, intentional habits will help to keep your family’s freedom to learn without school alive.
Deschooling isn’t a finish line or a perfect destination. It’s a way of moving through our lives as educating parents with clarity, purpose, and peace.
I’m dropping Notes most days and would love to connect with you that way — you can add a comment or like. Don’t forget we can keep the conversation going on any of my posts by adding a comment there too.
If you’re homeschooling in Australia, don’t forget to download my FREE Resource Directory for a bumper list of educational and curriculum providers and suppliers, as well as comprehensive guide on getting started how to register as a home educating family.
Whatever your approach, your lifestyle or education philosophy, I’m here to support you. Take what you need, leave the rest. I want you to lean on my experience because I’ve leant on others — we are in this together, growing and learning from each other!
That’s all for now! Until next time, Beverley
